Archive for December, 2011

Are you like most people who love the holidays, but are not always that excited about family gatherings?

Do you find yourself really hoping and wishing for a ‘new’ family member or that one of your family brings a ‘new friend’ so the rest of clan might be on their best behavior.  (You know it probably won’t last, but you can dream, cant’ you?)

Unfortunately, it is usually the same thing year in and year out.  Most families have a couple of topics that are almost predictable like, “How come he is always late for dinner, everybody else is here on time?” – “What do you mean she thawed the turkey in the bathtub … she never cleans the bathtub … what are we going to do?” – “I didn’t know that she was going to bring her new boyfriend … we don’t have a gift for him, he’s going to think that were terrible people!”  So why do we go into the holidays thinking any different?  Short of loading up the whole family into the van and going in for group counseling I want you to know that family group dynamics seldom change without you making a conscious effort.  Rarely do we change from year to year as we play the same old broken ‘stress’ records that affect our lives dramatically.  So for you I have come up with some simple scripts that if you plan ahead can cut out a lot of stress in your life over the holidays.

1.  Ahead of time have a great memory already pre-selected, what some people say is “go to your happy place” ready.  Now when you are faced with a holiday stressor think of that ‘happy place’.  By thinking about the memory you will find yourself smiling which will help you to automatically begin to relax.  By conjuring up this happy thought you will change your body language and the thoughts around whatever that stressor that you are facing is.

2.  Have a ‘life line buddy’ – just let your life line buddy know to step in when “that family member starts pushing your buttons …”  All they have to do is ask a question which will change the subject which will let you off the stress-hook.

3.  Use gestures that are positive to set the tone right out of the shoot.  Experts tell us that by using an open, upward facing palm, gesture with your forearm and hand to the person who is most likely to start a negative situation.  By doing this and slowly gesturing – remember palm up and open – and then comment on how fantastic the decorations are this year.  as you get to the word ‘fantastic’ be sure to have your fingers of the open palm gesture pointing directly at the likely offender.  You see by doing this you have just nonverbally called them fantastic.  Continue the day assigning all the positive words you say – watch and be amazed how it can change the tone of that negative person.

4.  I saved this one for last because it is my favorite and the most powerful to use to destress – your breathing.  Practice and train yourself to maintain low, abdominal breathing.  You see the more you experience the calming effect that slow and low, abdominal breathing has on your body, voice and brain, the easier it will be to do in all situations.  While doing this you will see that your breathing supports many of your non-verbals, one of which is your voice and overall body stature and state.

I truly hope that you will take action and implement these simple tips to make your holidays stress free and more enjoyable.